a very honest look at me right now...

So I am going to be very honest here today.... I love my kids and my family. I do, so don't take this the wrong way at all... but sometimes this life can be lonely. Yes, I have kids around me all the time, but, it is lonely. I don't have friends. Any friends that you make seem to fade as people you once knew when you have a lot of kids. When you have a bunch of kids you feel like you don't want to intrude on people, and you don't want to invade other peoples space with your many kids BC they might not know how to handle that... you feel bad and like a burden to those around you, and the people you once hung out with you don't BC then they would  have to invite the whole clan over... and that just doesn't happen much when you have a big crew like me.... so it gets lonely.. you try and make "online" friends since that way you don't have to overwhelm people with the amount of kids you have, and that just fails since not many people are real online, and many of them will just want to argue to show that you are wrong and they are right. sometimes you just want someone to talk to, and sometimes you just want someone who wont offer you advice for the things that you are going through. Sometimes you just want an ear to listen. Sometimes you just want to get away and laugh with another human being not a computer screen. Again, don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but sometimes you just want to feel like a human being and not a spit up rag... Some times you just want someone to see you for someone other than "mom". Finding friends when you have little kids is not easy. You don't ever get out, and if you do its only for a quick trip to the grocery store. Your life as a mom revolves around the little people in your life. I love these little people, but sometimes I just want to get away and be Emily... not ma, mom, mommy, Mama.... and sometimes you just don't want to hear whining all the time. So finding real friends when you h ave a bunch of littles?? NO clue how to do that.... ugh.. so sorry about my vent. Just feeling alone in this life as a mom to little kids... It is rewarding, but can def be lonely when the world is racing by you and everyone seems to be going somewhere, but you are standing still and alone... So to all you moms of little kids who might be feeling like this... your not alone... I know I am majorly blessed, but sometimes I just feel alone in this....

Blessed weekend

I had a great ministry weekend. There were things that went completely wrong, but the things that happened at church, the people I was finally able to meet, talk with and get to know...all the great things def overshadow the not so great things...

Our car... it has been causing grief lately, to say the least. We had received tickets from my husband's work to go and have breakfast with Santa! We did not tell the kids where we were going, because when you have 6 young kids, you don't want an excitement freak out... So we did not tell them, we piled in the car and backed out of driveway, then put into drive and then the car stalled... We tried restarting it, and NOTHING! We piled back out of the vehicle, kids inside, upset not to go anywhere, and we pushed that HEAVY car out of road. So that kinda spoiled our plans. The rest of the weekend was filled with trying to find rides for our ENTIRE family to church and then for me and my husband to multiple things as well since ministry is a HUGE part of our weekend. I have to say that we have amazing people in our lives who we love and who have been by us to help us out! We were able to get rides where ever we needed for all of us. I LOVE these people (they know who they are!) and I am so blessed by their willingness to help us! but all this is sooo little. After it happened, we were annoyed and still had things to go to this weekend. People helped and even though at first we could have easily stayed home to "rest" and probably pout a bit about the circumstances, we went, and I am sooo glad that we did. We had fellow ministers in town and they just blessed us. It was awesome being able to sit with them and talk (through an amazing interpreter!!!) and get to know them, have them get to know us, share our Christmas with them, and just enjoy each other! The people in town were from Colombia and they are truly some amazing people! It was fun and just a blessed time! Then Sunday we had an amazing service. The preacher from Colombia spoke and it was a great sermon of Closing certain doors in our life so that God can open the windows of heaven!!! We were blessed to have him speak. Then being able to spend the afternoon with their family and with the interpreter and family. And just again getting to know each other deeper, was a blessing. My husband had already had the chance to meet them when he went to Colombia earlier this year. This was my first time meeting them in person and I love it. I love meeting people from all over the world, and being able to get to know them as people, as ministry partners, and as friends. For me it was amazing. I already love these people and pray that someday I too can go to Colombia and see where they are from, and experience their culture and meet the fellow Christians , my brothers and sisters in Christ! This is truly awesome to be able to do! I love ministry and getting to know people from all over the world. It has always been a desire to travel and share God's love, and I know that someday it will come to pass. I am excited about what God has in store. Sometimes we just need to push through to get to where God wants us!
So to say the least, we had some "issues" of life come up this weekend, but I know that I am truly blessed and that God will always take care of me and my family! I am excited to see what will happen and what God will continue to do. It was a blessed weekend! I am blessed to know some amazing people, and I am blessed to have an amazing God!!

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real me again.

So, from some of the past posts you might have come to realize that I have a good amount of children: 6 to be exact. I love them dearly. Each one is special and unique in their own ways and I love that about them. But today I am going to be a bit real again. This is a post about purpose and waiting..... two things that are so real to me right now and that could be so real to you as well.
We all know that we have a purpose. Not just any purpose but a God given purpose. Every day I am faced with this. Every time I am asked to do something at my church, I am faced with this. I know that I have a God given purpose, and I at times go crazy thinking how I can put that purpose into my "NOW".
My "now" is filled with so many earthly and temporal things. My days are filled with cleaning, laundry, beds, dishes... and the list goes on. At times it is so hard to see how this all plays into purpose. I find myself longing to be able to help that person in need across the world. I find myself praying that there is something that I could do to help that person suffering from that disaster that just hit... but I cant. I am a mom of 6 beautiful and amazing kid. I am not upset that I have them, but I just find my self in limbo wanting to help people and at the time not really knowing how to do that. I have an amazing friend who needed help and I really wanted to be by her side and still do, but I know that bringing all my kids there really wouldn't be a help either.... so we did other things to help her and I felt so amazing. I just love helping people and I just love being able to show God's love in a tangible and real way!
I am writing this with no real direction, but as I write I guess I am coming up with some answers. Even though I so want to be there presently with someone but cant, doesn't mean that I don't have a heart or that I don't care. I care so much and want to be used so much. That is my desire is to just be used by God. But also knowing how God wants to use you in that moment is huge as well. My heart has always been about people. I went to Bible school thinking God was leading me toward missions and I ended up marrying a pastor (who is an amazing man, I might add) and becoming a mom a few years later. I can now see how that heart for the world is coming into this life that God has been leading me on, but I just sometimes have a hard time seeing the plan in waiting. Maybe I need to find a different way to help people as I felt led. Maybe those that I have a strong desire to help, I am supposed to find a way to do that while I am here with my kids for the time being. I strongly desire to be used and just show God's love in a very tangible way, but sometimes you have to know how God wants to use you where you are at in the now.
I know that some of you reading will say that I have one of the highest callings of being a mom and showing God's love to my kids and I do agree with that, but there is still this strong desire to help people and I want to show my kids that we are to reach out to the world with God's love and not just be so self consumed with our own life. There are so many out there that are hurting and who need so much. I want my kids to know the importance of thinking of others and not being so self absorbed that they cant see the needs that are around them. I want kids who are selfless and thinks of others first and who are so far from being selfish. I want them to know that Christ gave his all and that we should not store treasures here on earth but to always be helpful to those around and know that God will always supply us with what we need. SO I know that I have an amazing task of bringing up these kids, but I also know that there are people hurting and dying around us and we have so much to give. I want my kids to see that through me and my husband. I pray that we show them this and that they too will learn to think of others and want to reach out with God's love to a hurting and dying world.

He is your life.

So, from my last post you can tell that I have been battling the enemy. It is during those times where you really have to not let the enemy win. When the enemy is trying to shout lies into your head, that is when you need to attack back with the weapons that God has given us to fight with. They are not your own power or strength, they are not muscles on your physical body, they are not even physical weapons that are normally used in a physical battle here on earth. These weapons that I speak of are Spiritual weapons. The Bible says that we do not fight against flesh and blood, so the weapons that we need to use are all spiritual. When I get down I grab my Bible and start battling back and reminding me of why God has me here, that even if I don't see the purpose of the "right now" I still can rest that He does have a good plan and purpose for me! So I have been really just trying to get into the word even more so now, and then just trying to talk to God throughout my entire day. For me prayer is different. I don't sit down and plan out a specific time to just pray. I try and pray when I am doing my housework, I pray when I am giving the kids a bath. My best prayer times and times with God are actually when doing my dishes! I don't know why but I just get with God and all else fades away during that time.
I was reading today and in this certain portion of scripture (which I know I have read so many times) just spoke to me and again reminded me that I don't live for myself and that God should always be my life! He is my all, and sometimes you just need that reminder during the busy times of life. When everything is just being thrown at you, you need to remember "God is my life!" If you have time and if you don't (lol), I encourage you to open up to Colossians 3 and read it, and THEN read it AGAIN in the message. I use all kinds of versions when I read and do my studying and God really just highlights things for me when I do this. I don't limit God to one "translation" since I believe that God can use anything to speak to us. Hey, he used a donkey... enough said!
So, as I read God just kept throwing things out at me and just started to convict me in my life that I just need to keep focusing on HIM. I know that my life is about Him and even though I teach and am a pastor, I still need to be reminded of where I need to do better in my walk with God. Paul even said that He wasn't there yet, and that God is still working on Him and will be, so why should I think I have it all together. I daily have to check my attitude and have to see what I need to do better with my walk. It is a journey and one that we will not fully attain till we are in heaven. I am going to post the portion of scripture and I will probably add another post here or there about it, but I want you to read it and reflect on it. Ask your self this question! "Am I living a life that reflects that I live for God, or do I live a life that reflects that I am living for this world?"

He Is Your Life

3 1-2 So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.

3-4 Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

5-8 And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

9-11 Don’t lie to one another. You’re done with that old life. It’s like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you’ve stripped off and put in the fire. Now you’re dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.

12-14 So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

15-17 Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

18 Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master.

19 Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.

20 Children, do what your parents tell you. This delights the Master no end.

21 Parents, don’t come down too hard on your children or you’ll crush their spirits.

22-25 Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work.

Sorry for my absence.

So I have been on here very little. I at times get to a point where I need a break from writing for bit because in my self, I don't think that my writing is any good, or I  just get very busy with life and time isn't there for me to sit and write. I have from time to time struggle with different things. I know that it is the enemy who is telling me lies but it can be a fight to "think on what is pure and good". So from time to time depression has been a fight. From time to time, I just feel like I am sitting in a pit. The thing is when I start feeling low, I try not to let it consume me. I try and run to God. I start praying right away ask God to reveal to me what I am lacking in me and what I need to do to climb out of this pit. I go straight to the word and start saying the word of God over me and start remembering that there is more to this life that what you see, but the unseen is what matters. I try and align my thoughts with the word of God. That makes all the difference. So today as I try and fight off the things that pop into my head, I want to share some scriptures that are good and uplifting and that align my thoughts with God's thoughts (The Word). I will probably go through these verses a few times during my day, but this is the best way that I know how to deal with this. It is a good check in my attitude and Spirit. It uplifts and helps in a way that no one can. I have to admit, I don't tell anyone that I am dealing with this, and I am only sharing because I know that many deal with this but just don't know what to do and how to get out of it. So that is why I share this. I probably have wrote about this before, but I know that it is something that I need to conscientiously watch for in my life, and not get sucked into. So as I share these verses with you I pray that you would let them sink in, and let God do a work in your life. Don't think on the negative thoughts that fly into your mind, but think on the verses and what God is trying to tell you today.

Psalms 3:3 But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.

Psalms 32:10 Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.

Psalms 37:3-4 Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

Psalms 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

1 Peter 5:6-7 (KJV) Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you

Deuteronomy 31:8 “… It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Deuteronomy 32:10: In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye. 

Psalms 34:17 When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

Psalms 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. 

Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

1 Peter 4:12-13 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

This last verse I go to all the time. When my thoughts seem to consume and that I just need a reminder, I turn here and read this verse. Keep it hidden in your heart. Keep them all hidden in your  heart so you can fight off the enemy when he seems to be attacking. 

 Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

We live for HIM!!!

Romans 14:7 "For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. 8 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. 9 For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living."

I was reading in Romans 14 about how we need to accept those who are at different places in their faith. I think this is KEY and I think it is something that needs to be hit on, but then I got to these verses and really these verses are verses that I try to remember, (not really knowing where it was from specifically in the Bible, but that I know that this life is not my own, but I live for Him).  
So for today I am going to focus on the verses above. Some days, I have to remind myself this often. Some days seem to drag on, and be one frustration after another. Being a mom I have different frustrations than others, mine dont seem to be that MAJOR.... but to me they are frustrations that can be hard to get through. Sometimes I just don't handle them well. Yesterday my husband saw that. I wont get into the frustration itself because thinking about it, it is not a huge thing, but it has been an ongoing frustration in my life for a little while now. But in reality that little thing that frustrates is nothing compared to eternity. We don't live this life for ourselves. We live for God. Our lives don't belong to us, but they belong to Him. One day we will not be here on this earth any more, and we will stand face to face before God. Then, those little things that seemed so HUGE before will be nothing! We always need to remember that there is something MORE. There is something that we are living for, and that is an eternity with God. We There is a saying that we cant be too heavenly minded that we are no earthly good, well, I also want to flip that... We cant be too earthly minded that we are no heavenly good. We cannot be always focusing on earth and everything here, because that can consume us and take over and then we are no "heavenly good". We want to always have a mindset that we are looking forward to what God has for us and that we are living a life that will cause others to want it and want to come with us in the end!! We need to show that we live a life that shows that we belong to Him and that we are living for Him. 
When the stresses of life come at you full force, stop... and just think.... You are living for something more, something GREATER than this life you see and this world that you see! You live a life for HIM!!! When you are tempted to sin, and do something you know you shouldn't, STOP, think... God is always watching and EVERYTHING that we do on this earth has an effect. You are not living for yourself and your own self gratification. You are living for GOD! There is nothing on this earth that can compare to living for Him. The world will lie to you and offer you all the worldly things that look fun and exciting, but in the end you end up empty and void! Keep living for HIM and seeking to live a life pleasing to Him!!! Be blessed today!